2016-12

「フルーツフル」 vs 「英検1級面接大特訓」

先日書いた英作文のフルーツフル添削結果です。


お気づきの方もいるかと思いますが、このエッセイは、植田一三先生の「英検1級面接大特訓」をかなり参考にして書いています。


自分のオリジナル要素もある程度は入ってますが、「模範解答そのまま」の部分もあります。


そこも添削されていたりするので、これは果たしてどちらを信じるべきか…。


当然、植田先生の模範英文もネイティブチェックが入っているはずなので、これはネイティブ同士の見解の相違ということになるのでしょうか。


個人的には、添削された箇所については納得しています。


みなさんはどうお考えですか?よろしければご意見をお聞かせ下さい。


More than one billion people, especially in the Third World, are suffering from poverty. Under such circumstances, I believe that developed countries should help developing countries overcome poverty for the following three reasons.


More than one billion people, primarily in the Third World, are suffering from poverty. Under such circumstances, I believe that more economically developed countries (MEDCs) should help developing countries overcome poverty for the following three reasons.




First, developed countries have to compensate for their exploitation of natural resources and people in developing countries. In the past, developed countries colonized and oppressed developing countries, which is one of the reasons that the Third World is in the state of poverty today. Since developed countries owe their present economic prosperity to developing countires, they should atone for their past exploitation.


First, MEDCs should compensate for their exploitation of natural resources and people in developing countries. In the past, MEDCs colonized and oppressed developing countries, which is one of the reasons that the Third World is in a state of poverty today. Since MEDCs owe their present economic prosperity to developing countries, they should atone for their past deeds.




Second, developed countries' economic aid to developing countries will contribute to world peace and stablility. Since poverty is one of the root causes of terrorism and conflicts, helping the Third World to reduce poverty will stabilize the international communitity, thus leading to global peace. Furthermore, the interaction in the process of economic aid can establish a close relationship between developing countries and advanced societies, which is also likely to promote world peace.


Second, MEDCs providing economic aid to developing countries will contribute to world peace and stability.  As poverty is one of the root causes of unrest, terrorism and conflict, helping the Third World to reduce poverty will stabilize the international communitity, and help lead to global peace. Furthermore, interactions in this process could establish closer relationships between developing countries and advanced societies, which is also likely to promote world peace and international cooperation.




Third, developing countries' economic growth with the assistance of developed countries will have a positive impact on global economic prosperity in the end. If developing countries become rich enough to fill the technological gap, they will begin to serve as equal business partners for developed nations, which will boost the world economy.


Third, developing countries' economic growth with the assistance of MEDCs will have a positive impact on global economic prosperity overall. If developing countries become rich enough to compete technologically, they will begin to serve as equal business partners for MEDCs, which will help boost the world economy.




In conclusion, for the three reasons mentioned above, compensation for the past exploitation, contribution to world stability, and promotion of global economy, I believe that developed nations should help developing nations overcome poverty.


In conclusion, for the three reasons mentioned above, compensation for past exploitation, contribution to world stability, and promotion of global economy, I believe that MEDCs should help developing nations overcome poverty.

スポンサーサイト

Should the developed world help developing countries overcome poverty?

More than one billion people, especially in the Third World, are suffering from poverty.  Under such circumstances, I believe that developed countries should help developing countries overcome poverty for the following three reasons.


First, developed countries have to compensate for their exploitation of natural resources and people in developing countries.  In the past, developed countries colonized and oppressed developing countries, which is one of the reasons that the Third World is in the state of poverty today. Since developed countries owe their present economic prosperity to developing countires, they should atone for their past exploitation.


Second, developed countries' economic aid to developing countries will contribute to world peace and stablility. Since poverty is one of the root causes of terrorism and conflicts, helping the Third World to reduce poverty will stabilize the international communitity, thus leading to global peace. Furthermore, the interaction in the process of economic aid can establish a close relationship between developing countries and advanced societies, which is also likely to promote world peace.


Third, developing countries' economic growth with the assistance of developed countries will have a positive impact on global economic prosperity in the end. If developing countries become rich enough to fill the technological gap, they will begin to serve as business partners equally for developed nations, which will boost the world economy.


In conclusion, for the three reasons mentioned above, compensation for the past exploitation, contribution to world stability, and promotion of global economy, I believe that developed nations should help developing nations overcome poverty.


お手元の本を(かなり)参考にして書いてみました。

ただ暗唱・暗写するのではなく、「自分で書こうとする」→「悩む」→「お手本を参考にする」のプロセスの方が、自分のインテイクにつながっている気がします。

語学の基本、「インフォメーションギャップを埋める」というやつですね。

「知りたい」と思うから「印象に残る」わけで。

もちろん、平行して、暗唱・暗写も前提として大切ですが、この「自分で書いてみる」という過程も絶対に必要ですね。

生徒への指導にもうまく活用したいです。


先進国は発展途上国の貧困克服のための支援をするべきか?

先進国は発展途上国の貧困克服のための支援をするべきだ。


理由3つ

・先進国は償いをするべきだから

先進国は過去に発展途上国の天然資源や人材を搾取した→それが今日の発展途上国の貧困につながった→その償いをするべきだ


・世界平和につながるから

貧困はテロや紛争の根本的な原因である→貧困が解消されれば世界が安定する。


・世界経済の繁栄につながるから

発展途上国が経済的に豊かになる→発展途上国の科学技術の発展につながる→発展途上国と先進国との技術格差がなくなる→発展途上国がビジネスパートナーとなる→世界経済の繁栄につながる。




英語力も大切ですが、まずは日本語でしっかりと考えをまとめて、論理が破綻しないように気をつけようと思います。

それから、日本語でしっかりと考えがまとまっている方が、英語の表現が遥かに定着しやすいと思います。



医療関連の語彙リスト

なんというか、医療系のトピックに答えようとしたら、ざっと挙げただけでも以下の語彙を能動語彙として習得している必要があると思うのですが、SやWで高得点が取れる方々は、やっぱりこれぐらいパッと出てくるものなのでしょうか??


私は、読む分には問題ありませんが、アウトプットとなると壊滅的な状態です。言い方を平易にすれば、相手に伝えることはできると思いますが、逆にそれで今まで回避しすぎてきたなと。

こういうスマートな表現をストックしておかないと、先のレベルには進めないと痛感。


1年ぐらい続けたら少しはモノになるだろうか…。


医療制度:healthcare system

国民皆保険制度:universal healthcare system

平等主義の保険制度:eglitarian healthcare system

世界最高水準の医療サービスを供給する:provide world-class medical services

良心的な料金で:at affordable costs

被保険者:the insured

低所得世帯:low-income households

生活保護を受けている低所得世帯:low-income households on welfare

医療費の支払いを免除されている:be exempt from payment of medical fees

臓器移植法:Organ Transplant Law

人体を傷つけること:degradation of the human body

人間の尊厳を傷つけること:degradation of the human dignity

臓器移植:organ transplants

臓器の闇取引を助長する:encourage organ trafficking

人体を商品化する:commodify human bodies

人間の尊厳を踏みにじる:trample on human dignity

トラウマ的体験:traumatic experience

生死を脅かす体験:life-threatening experience

精神的苦悩を引き起こす:cause mental suffering

情緒障害を引き起こす:cause emotional disorders

リストラ:business restructuring

不況:economic recession

就職活動:job hunting

大学入試:college admission

うつ状態:mental depression

副流煙:sidestream smoke

主流煙:mainstream smoke

有害物質:harmful substance

発がん性物質:carcinogens

タール:tar

ニコチン:nicotine

非喫煙者:nonsmokers

間接喫煙者:passive smokers

環境災害:environmental hazards

火災:fire hazards

タバコのポイ捨て:cigarette littering

火災の発生:outbreak of fire

喫煙所:designated areas for smoking

喫煙所を設ける:create designated areas for smoking



安楽死の利点は欠点を上回るか?

Do the benefits of euthanasia outweigh the disadvantages?


Euthanasia is a highly controversial issue in the world. Although some people point out serious problems with legalization of mercy-killing, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages for the following two reasons. 


First, euthanasia can eliminate agonizing pain of patients with no hope of recovery. For example, when moribund cancer patients suffer from excruciating pain, they will become free of pain by doctor-assisted euthanasia. I believe that It is inhumane not to relieve the unbearable pain of these patients.


Secondly, mercy-killing reduces a financial burden on patients' family members and the government. It requires huge medical costs to prolong the life of patient in a vegitative state under a life-support system. However, euthanasia by disconnecting the life-support system greatly decreases the financial burden on the patients' family members and reduces medical expenditure of the government.


On the other hand, opponents argue that euthanasia is tantamount to murder, and will discourage the development of palliative care and treatment of incurable diseases. However, I believe that the need to eliminate patients' agonizing pain and reduce the huge financial burden on patients' family and the government far outweighs the disadvantages of the cases against murder and an obstacle to medical development.


In conclusion, I believe that the above-mentioned benefits of euthanasia, elimination of excruciating pain and reduction of the financial burdens carry more weight than the disadvantages.


お手元の本を参考にしまくっているので、盗作ではないですが自作でもないです。

ただ、経験上、暗唱や暗写よりも、最大限パクリながらでも自分なりにアレンジして書いた方が頭に残ると考えています。

以下、語彙リストです。


安楽死:euthanasia, mercy-killing

安楽死の重大な問題点を指摘する:point out serious problems with euthanasia

AはBを上回る:A outweigh B, A carry more weight than B

痛みを除去する:eliminate pain, relieve pain

激痛:agonizing pain, excruciating pain, unbearable pain

末期患者:terminally-ill patients

回復の見込みのない患者:patients with no hope of recovery

財政的負担を削減する:reduce[decrease] the financial burden

植物状態にある患者:patients in a vegitative state, comatose patients

生命維持装置を使用している患者:patients under a life-support system

多額の医療費がかかる:require a huge medical cost

生命維持装置をはずす:disconnect a life-support system

政府の医療費を削減する:reduce government's medical expenditure

安楽死は殺人に等しい:euthanasia is tantamount to murder

緩和治療:palliative care

難病の治療:treatment of incurable diseases

緩和治療の開発を妨げる:discourage the development of palliative care

殺人として訴えられること:the cases against murder

医療の開発の妨げとなること:an obstacle to medical development

瀕死のガン患者:moribund cancer patients

痛みから解放される:become free of pain

医者の幇助による安楽死:doctor-assisted euthanasia

患者を延命する:prolong the life of patients


うーん、学ぶことが多い…。こんなペースで一通りのトピックを網羅するのはかなり大変そうです。まあ、とりあえず細々と続けてみます。


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プロフィール

英語教師

Author:英語教師
性別:男
年齢:40代
地域:関東
趣味:ゴルフ


C2プロジェクトとは?

ランキングのつけ方

TOEFLとIELTSの換算表(ETS公式)


C2ランキング(TOEFL換算)
116.5:英語好き(T116,I8.5)
114.5:Siobhan(I8.5)
113:Dr.English(T113)
111:Echo(I8.0)
110:ホーリー(T110,I7.5)
109:Jet Bull(T109)
106:Shino(I7.5)
103:リュウ(I7.5)
102:tats(T102)
102:Bryce(T102)
101:Jun(T101)
99:englove40(T99)
98.5:amurrites(T90,I7.0)
98:Zero(T98,I7.5)
96:英語教師(T92,I7.0)
90.5:Pippi(I7.0) 
88:ひかる(I6.5)
87:yuuki(T87)
85.5:ヒロト(T73,I6.5)
76:kazu(T76)
未:澤田先生(TOEIC 990)
未:Hidekazu(TOEIC 985)
未:K(TOEIC 965)
未:おこの(TOEIC 945)
未:りゅう(TOEIC 945)
未:Roberts(TOEIC 945)
未:Sorane(TOEIC 940)
未:a cat(TOEIC 935)
未:びび(TOEIC 930)
未:Tim(TOEIC 920)
未:Taishi(TOEIC 915)
未:gogakutan(TOEIC 900)
未:英国びいき(TOEIC 900)
未:よっち(TOEIC 895)
未:おkd (TOEIC 710)

ブログ開始前
2004/06 T840(L440 R400)
2004/10 TOEFL PBT560
2006/11 英検1級

ブログ開始後
2013/10 S150 W190
2013/10 T885(L465 R420)
2013/11 T950(L480 R470)
2013/12 S150 W180 2013/12 T895(L465 R430)
2014/01 T915(L475 R440)
2014/01 S160 W180
2014/03 T910(L470 R440)
2014/04 T935(L490 R445)
2014/04 TOEFL 89
       R23L23S22W21
2014/05 T945(L490 R455)
2014/06 T960(L475 R485)
2014/07 T935(L490 R445)
2014/10 T985 (L495R490)
2014/11 T940(L495 R445)
2015/02 IELTS 7.0
      R7.5L7.0W5.5S7.5
2015/03 TOEFL 92
       R27L21S22W22
2016/03 TOEFL 92
       R28L27S15W22

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